I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
