Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
