We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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