Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
