I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
