Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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