I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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