I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
