im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize