i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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