What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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