the condom got lost in my hair
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
