I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
