I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
