hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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