dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
