She said her name was "party"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
