You're so nebulous sometimes
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
