If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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