You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If I die, sorry about rent.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
