there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
