Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
