Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
