drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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