How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
