Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
And then he peed in my hair
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