I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
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she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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