I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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