You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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