Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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