Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
