Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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