moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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