Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
