In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
no you cant smoke seaweed
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
