her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
