You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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