just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
