sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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