My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
