Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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