there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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