Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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