Your dad touched me again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
