Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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