I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
