I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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