I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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