Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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