if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
