does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
