You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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