My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
