he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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