I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
