Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
