one might say we're banned from that church
that's an acceptable place to lick
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
