Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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