just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's just so happy...and so naked.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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