Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
