i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Holy sore nipples Batman
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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