dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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