I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
