You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
