hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
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Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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