shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
