she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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