Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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