where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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