why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
