My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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