tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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