I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Randomize
