Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
