Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
two words...techno handjob
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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