I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.