Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.

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  (716): you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all. http://tfl.nu/2dp0
  Replies (32) Good night (2095) Bad night (3981)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick

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  (614): He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick http://tfl.nu/nn0g
  Replies (19) Good night (1130) Bad night (4319)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..

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  (734): you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy.. http://tfl.nu/5gkh
  Replies (49) Good night (768) Bad night (5793)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...

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  (405): well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth... http://tfl.nu/pzm2
  Replies (11) Good night (2843) Bad night (1156)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.

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  (617): just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil. http://tfl.nu/drc4
  Replies (13) Good night (7660) Bad night (1555)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long

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  (717): dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long http://tfl.nu/r5ag
  Replies (31) Good night (7365) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.

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  (+44): I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk. http://tfl.nu/9idz
  Replies (22) Good night (3107) Bad night (1204)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic

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  (202): I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic http://tfl.nu/pd64
  Replies (12) Good night (1474) Bad night (4479)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.

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  (613): Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/rte8
  Replies (1) Good night (2939) Bad night (1130)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.

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  (330): I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter. http://tfl.nu/h1kf
  Replies (6) Good night (1015) Bad night (2545)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  pants will make it better? really?

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  (804): I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand. (1-804): pants will make it better? really? http://tfl.nu/cx1r
  Replies (7) Good night (2440) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.

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  (323): Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking. http://tfl.nu/kzzf
  Replies (1) Good night (1558) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (450): View more from Quebec

  She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...

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  (450): She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do... http://tfl.nu/okgn
  Replies (10) Good night (3588) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"

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  (215): Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?" http://tfl.nu/i6qx
  Replies (2) Good night (894) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up

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  (617): We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up http://tfl.nu/o2ud
  Replies (1) Good night (723) Bad night (365)

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