Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices. http://tfl.nu/oyfa
  Replies (10) Good night (863) Bad night (5687)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad. http://tfl.nu/ovcp
  Replies (48) Good night (5275) Bad night (1759)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit. http://tfl.nu/3nc6
  Replies (17) Good night (4625) Bad night (1473)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from. http://tfl.nu/qa0c
  Replies (11) Good night (5553) Bad night (1173)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame... http://tfl.nu/05iu
  Replies (8) Good night (2676) Bad night (1090)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace? http://tfl.nu/pga4
  Replies (9) Good night (2107) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord??? http://tfl.nu/3v54
  Replies (15) Good night (2591) Bad night (1127)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"

  (425): View more from Washington

  I want to be you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze" (425): I want to be you. http://tfl.nu/ldeq
  Replies (6) Good night (2447) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually http://tfl.nu/wdhn
  Replies (3) Good night (1067) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home http://tfl.nu/i7w6
  Replies (4) Good night (1179) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays. http://tfl.nu/jyu4
  Replies (4) Good night (745) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher. http://tfl.nu/xgiu
  Replies (2) Good night (1208) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!" http://tfl.nu/6320
  Replies (1) Good night (748) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest? http://tfl.nu/6m0u
  Replies (4) Good night (358) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw. http://tfl.nu/q0dy
  Replies (1) Good night (477) Bad night (346)

Randomize