he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
