My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth