Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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