Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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