I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
