I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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