Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
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