my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
